Stress During Job Search

Some people think that it is merely semantics using the words “Job Transition” as opposed to “Unemployed.”  It is true, however, that there is psychological negative effect that comes with the word “unemployed,” that makes it more than semantics. When a person loses a job, they lose all the aspects of the job and the circumstances associated with the job also changes. Schedules, deadlines, priorities, motivations and purpose all go away or shift. This causes stress in the person and the family--in fact everyone associated with the person who lost their job. Therefore, let’s call the number one stressor from losing a job, “Loss of Structure or Schedule.”

The second and no less of a stressor in the life of a person without a job is, “Loss of Income.” This creates all kinds of fallout from, “How are we going to pay the bills?” to “If I don’t have enough cash to put gas in the car, how will I ever find a job?” Credit Card debt goes up causing more stress and anxiety. Decisions of which bills to pay, “Should I pay the mortgage or buy groceries?” forces some folks to ignore important things because they cannot deal with the stress of not having enough money. This leads to problems growing and not going away until it becomes a legal problem... bankruptcy and home foreclosures are on the rise or at all time highs.

Third in the list of stressors that job seekers must deal with is the “Disruption of the Family.” An amazing statistic we are seeing today is the number of divorces after retirement. I don’t even want to contemplate the number of damaged marriages that have resulted from job loss due to the economy.  Children in school experiencing stress in their family due to job loss find their grades falling or start acting out with negative behavior.  

Today, more than any other time in history we are under attack by stressful things. Not since native peoples struggled against the elements and wild predators have human beings felt the kind of stress we feel today. So the first thing we need to do is see and understand that we are stressed. Then to seek ways to overcome or at least reduce the stress we are under. Communication is a great stress release. Counseling, through your church or a mental health professional, will offer greater relief. Finally, don’t hide your problems, let people know that you are looking for work and you’ll find they don’t think badly of you and in fact may know of something that will lead to a new opportunity.

Transition & Social Networking

   If networking is an active and dynamic process of building mutually beneficial relationships, social networking is a means to growing, maintaining and add to those relationships in an effective and simplified manner. This is true for everyone and even more so for the person in transition.

   Social media tools are meant to aid in your job search and get you through transition more quickly, but they are not meant to waste time, brain power or energy. Warning: Don’t allow your valuable time to be twittered away! That goes for Facebook, LinkedIn and the Internet as a whole. Social networking can be a critical part of your job hunting or marketing strategy. Regardless of which tools you use – Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, you need to:

• Connect with other people
• Build relationships 
• Get exposure and provide help to others

   In the spirit of full disclosure, I was not so quick to jump on the Twitter bandwagon and I was reluctant to get a Facebook account. However, I found Facebook invaluable keeping up to date with family and friends when I was travelling 90% of the time. Yet, as a professional tool I was adverse until my clients started finding me and asking to connect on Facebook in addition to LinkedIn.

   On the other hand, I’ve been using LinkedIn for years and know it is a professional tool that works well. What I have learned about Twitter like Facebook: people started connecting to me once I was out there; in fact, Twitters’ whole model is designed to save time and energy. I recommend The Twitter Job Search Guide: Find a Job and Advance Your Career in Just 15 Minutes a Day by Susan Britton Whitcomb, Chandlee Bryan & Deb Dib.

   I have a friend and colleague Bruce Bixler  @brucebixler49 or http://www.linkedin.com/in/brucebixler49 who is an expert in using social media for fun and profit. Besides Bruce there are many, many opportunities to attend workshops and webinars that are free or very reasonable.

   Networking is here to stay and hopefully you will continue to network after you’ve landed your next job. Likewise, you’ll want to continue to use social media as a way to save time as you stay connected while on the job.

   If you don’t use Facebook or Twitter I suggest you start looking into their benefits and how they can keep you up to date in your industry as well as posted on important data and breaking news concerning your job search. Get an account and start using the tools and soon you’ll be connected to people you need to know.

  

  

Accountability Groups Findings

   Over the summer I did some observing of groups reporting to be accountability groups. This wasn’t  a long, controlled research project... I just went around to check out six different Networking Accountability Groups and I learned a lot.

   I met with six groups in Chicago’s western suburbs. The largest group had eight members and the smallest had three. (This group just had two members land job and hadn’t replaced them during the time of my visits.) The average size of a group was five.

   Only one of the meetings I attended began on time. Most of the groups had 100% attendance with phone calls to alert the group if someone was going to be absent. Most meetings lasted between an hour and 90 minutes. Most of the groups have been meeting for over a year with the newest group meeting for less that six months.
 
   Every group but the newest saw some level of success. One group measured and track members status and they had high turnover in their group. Turnover is defined as members who find full time regular or contract work and no longer meet with the group. AKA: Success!

   While these observations only produced anecdotal data, there are some conclusions that are somewhat obvious. Most of the groups I observed would more correctly be called “Support Groups” rather than accountability groups because they are run in a very relaxed manner. Most groups meeting are made up of people reporting their status in an ad hoc manner and many of the folks never mention to the group what their goals are for the next week.

Other observations:

• Groups focus on the meeting and not on one another’s accomplishments for the week
• Groups pass leads among one another which became the goal of the meeting
• All groups had a non elected but clear leader instead of the leadership role being shared
• Groups were relaxed without a formal agenda
• One group used the “St. Hubert’s Accountability Check List” by its members
• No group collected and shared accountability data with the group members

I would suggest the following for all groups.

1. Increase the level of commitment from members
2. Have a formal contract to help create a more “business like” atmosphere
3. Set meeting start & stop times and agenda
4. Focus on members’ activity and accomplishments in their job search
5. Select and use an “Accountability Check List” -- see Google Docs Forms
6. Collect and report on members activity and accomplishments using a spreadsheet

Be accountable and succeed!

In theory, all the members of the group are looking for full time work. They all have the same goal and in times of weakness the members need to count on the group to fill the role of the boss or customer holding the expectation that the member will deliver what was promised. It's kind of silly that human beings will quit on themselves but not quit on a commitment they made to a group or even one other person. This is the power of an accountability group to give it's members the motivation to do the hard work of job search. So when the group holds it members accountability in a safe and honest manner, everyone wins.

The Transition Two Step

   Whether you are in a transition due to being laid off or because you have been promoted or have retired, transition is a difficult time for couples. I had the great pleasure to listen to Terry Shapiro, Ph.D. discuss this subject to about 250 professionals who are in transition. Dr. Shapiro approached the subject with humor and wisdom and empathy. He also hit the nail on the head. 

   Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction;"  this also applies to relationships. When a person goes through a change as serious as a termination, retirement or a death of a loved one, everyone in the family is affected, especially their "significant other." 

   It's like riding on a train, where you are the engineer driving the train watching the track ahead and everyone else- especially the spouse- is sitting in one of the adjoining cars with only a view out the window as the scenery goes by. They are along for the ride and have no idea of what's ahead unless you communicate.

   Communication is Key... Communication with respect, empathy and intimacy. Dr. Shapiro spelled it out and pointed out some of the pitfalls of poor communication that is not open and free flowing. He offered some guidelines:

• talk about what your are doing and how you are feeling, sharing specifics
• ask about how your partner is doing and how they are feeling, and listen
• more communication is better than less, especially right after the activating event
• anger is natural and is not bad if it isn't destructive or the most common emotion
• ask for what you need and listen for what your partner needs

   Having empathy for your partner is not easy for many people especially when under stress. Dr. Shapiro said that you don't have to agree with your partner or even completely understand why they are feeling... but knowing what they are feeling and thinking can ease a lot of stress for both of you. 

   Respecting where they are and what they are going through as you go through your stuff can save a lot of fighting. Dr. Shapiro commented that fighting is part of a relationship between two people who have opinions and emotions. It's as normal and natural as anger and laughter. However, he warned that when a couple fights they need to fight fair. There needs to be rules and allowance for the other to call time out, to withdraw for a specific time as a way to check emotions from escalating. 

   The "two step" as a dance works best when both partners know what to expect. As long as you and your partner are dancing to the same music a few toes may be stepped on, but hopefully nothing will be broken.

Dr, Terry Shapiro is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Aurora University in Aurora, Illinois. His practice is located in Chicago's western suburbs.

Myths, Conventional Wisdom and Other Rationalizations

   In "5 Career Myths Busted" Maria Hanson of LiveCareer discusses five different myths that conventional wisdom teaches, which are absolutely false... unless you make them true by believing them. Human beings create self-fulfilling prophecies by accepting something erroneous because it speaks to our deepest fears. Here are the myths that Maria Hanson addresses:

• Myth #1: I can't get a job without experience.
• Myth #2: All that most workers care about is their salary.
• Myth #3: It's too late to change careers.
• Myth #4: Multitasking is the most efficient way to work.
• Myth #5: Without close supervision, most workers will get away with whatever they can.

   I want to comment about myths one and three. If you find yourself in transition or even just starting out from college Myth #1 is a statement that everyone feels must be true. Someone experiencing difficulty finding a job will state this myth and then say, "It's a real Catch-22" referring to the Joseph Heller novel. If you hear someone say this to you, feel free to hold them accountable by asking the question, "If that is true why isn't there 100% unemployment?" The trouble is if someone is holding on to this myth as a rationalization for not landing a job, what real reason are they missing?  Something that is in their power to change is going unnoticed.

   Myth #3 is a similar kind of rationalization that people use to stay stuck. I'm too old, or it's too late. I've changed careers three times in my life, maybe four depending how you count the career I am in now. Again if this myth is true no mother who raised her children could ever work again outside the home. It may take some additional formal education or training program, but people do it every day. Actually for my clients that are burned out from their most recent job, the prospect of changing careers is an exciting opportunity.

   Here is where attitude comes into the equation. Having a positive, enthusiastic attitude with a certain amount of patience will make all the difference. We all have "transferable skills." These are the skills that are required to be successful in various different careers. Project management is one of these skills sets. I cannot think of an occupation that does not require some level of project management. What is incumbent on the career changer is communicating how the transferable skill is the hard part and the specifics of the new field can be learned quickly.

   Not everyone will buy that argument. People want to believe that their field or industry is unique and I don't blame them: we all want to feel special. The health industry says no to many applicants because, "You don't have any health care industry experience." Yet, with a little learning and taking the time and effort to establish a relationship with people in the field you can move into a new industry. Building and growing relationships are really important. Reaching out to folks asking to meet for an "informational" or courtesy interview is key.

   As people with hiring authority get to know you and what you bring to the table you'll make the connections that will land you a job. This is true for your first job or if you are changing careers.

Inspirational Books and Movies

   A few weeks ago I asked the readers of my blog to comment on the books, movies and music that inspire them and have helped them deal with difficult times in their lives. The movies that people reported that were inspirational to them are:


Endurance (the story of Ernest Shackleton), by Alfred Lansing
Survivor's Club, by Ben Sherwood
Jump Start Your Brain, by Doug Hall & David Wecker
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, by John Maxwell
Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will, by Noel M. Tichy & Stratford Sherman
Who Moved my Cheese, by Spencer Johnson, M.D.
The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, et. al.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
The Laidoff Ninja, by Craig Brown & Javed Ikbal
90 Minutes in Heaven, by Rev. Don Piper


I want to thank Rien, Jim, Sharon, Chuck and Katy for their suggestions. I also recommend:


How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie 
Leadership Jazz, by Max DePree 
Success The Glenn Bland Method, by Glenn Bland 
How to Have Power and Confidence in Dealing With People, by Les Giblin 
See You at the Top, by Zig Ziglar

   These are very good books for anyone in sales or a job search. And as I have said before, but bears repeating, to maintain a positive attitude you need to put positive things into your brain. Reading is the most powerful way to influence your attitude. Many of these books are also on tape or CD. However, listening to a book is great in the car but research cites that a listener needs to hear the recording as many as 4 times to get the same impact as reading. Often I read the book and then get a recorded edition to reinforce what I've read previously.

   Sadly, I found out that if you don't have a Google account, Live Journal, Wordpress, TypePad, AIM  or OpenID account you cannot comment on my blog. I'm sorry for that inconvenience. I also only got two movie suggestions: Jerimiah Johnson and The Outlaw Jose Wales. To that I add the Shawshank Redemption as one of the best inspirational movies. 

   One final thought. Of all the books, movies and songs suggested, I read 90 Minutes in Heaven for the first time. Wow. Regardless of your life situation this story really hit the nail on the head regarding transition. I will be doing a presentation in the near future on "90 Minutes: A Life Metaphor." Before this suggestion, whenever someone had a tragedy in their life, I offered them one of two books to read. First, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner and second The Gift of Peace, by Joseph Cardinal Bernardin. Now I have a third book to offer. All three of these books and the stories they contain confirm what Viktor Frankl wrote in Man's Search for Meaning, namely if you believe that you have someone in your corner, you can survive anything and thrive beyond the tragedy you suffer.

Transition: Basic Elements of a System

    Whether you are in a life transition or a job transition there are basically three basic steps to being successful in the transition: Discovery, Action and Achievement.

Discovery

    This is really simple but can be time consuming. First you must take stock of what you have to offer. In business this is a “product analysis” and you are the product. What are your strengths? What do you love? These and similar questions need to be enumerated and addressed. Then you need to ask the question, "What does the world need of me? What can I do that will enrich me?" These are really practical questions that are seldom asked past junior high school. Many people end up in careers not by following a path but falling into a job. Discover what you need to do next.

Action

    The next step begins in preparation and planning. What do you say to friends or family members when you are asked questions about what you want to do? Answering this takes a lot of prep work and this is very important work. For example, if you are taking a driving vacation you need to know where you want to go before you start driving. In a life transition or looking for your next job you need to plan the transition which includes setting goals and targets. Write this down, like a new business needs to write a business plan, write it down.

    The second part of this step is doing the work of transitioning. Namely, networking, following up and staying positive. We’re going to spend time on the specifics of networking in later blog entries, but for now: Networking makes the world go ‘round!

    Once you’ve talked to people it is essential that you follow up. I once heard that only 30% of people follow up after an interview by sending a “Thank You.” Really, can you believe that?

We’ve already discussed the importance of being positive in other blog entries but it is essential that you stay positive and maintain a can do attitude. Enthusiasm is contagious.

Achievement

    The final piece in the transition process is achieving the goal. However, this is not always crossing the finish line. Sometimes it happens in smaller milestones. For people in Job Search it may be getting past the fear of talking to people and asking for their help. Then getting the first interview and then a second is an achievement. Maybe a smaller achievement will be receiving a NO and getting on the phone to make another call and scheduling a new networking meeting. In time doing the little ones will result in the big one. When you’ve transitioned into your new role, position or job you’re then beginning the whole process again. Discovering the new job or role’s needs. Planning and taking action. Then the next achievement.

Transition Requires Structure

In his book Sheifgab the World, noted author and public speaker Conor Cunneen, through his alter ego Finbarr Kozlowski asks the question: When you find yourself in transition, what’s missing… what’s different for you during transition?

The easy answer is everything is different. I always counsel my clients to work from a calendar. “To plan your work and work your plan,” I tell them. I share with them specific examples of what needs to be included in the daily and weekly schedules. This includes an outline to use. I stress planning, scheduling and balancing the day/week.

Something that I cover, but can always stress more is the importance of sleep, diet and exercise. Namely, taking care of yourself – taking care of your body and your mind will have a positive effect on your psyche and your attitude. Actually, having a good attitude begins with taking care of yourself. To paraphrase Finbarr from Sheifgab the World… if a battery-powered toy runs 24/7, after a while what happens? How can you do an effective job search if you’re not recharging your batteries and taking care of yourself? Make it a priority as you structure your day; schedule taking care of yourself; write down exercise from 7 to 8 Monday, Wednesday and Friday on your calendar.

I recently had the opportunity and pleasure to listen to Stedman Graham, best selling author of You Can Make It Happen. His book outlines a 9-step success process. He highlighted the power of changing one’s thinking. He stated many times during the 90 minute presentation that reading is essential to change your thinking. He built on that saying that changing your thinking changes your feelings. Changing your feelings changes your habits. And then changing your habits changes your life. Structure time to read into your day. Reading books on personal, spiritual or professional growth give your mind more of what it craves. Books challenge us, confirm us and open new possibilities for us to investigate.

Mr. Cunneen and Mr. Graham are making a similar case about feeding yourself positive discourse and good behaviors every day. They definitely agree that this will have a positive impact on your job search not to mention your life.

Structuring your life to include time for rest, exercise, family, plus time spent with a good book is essential for a positive attitude and as a result a successful job search. 

A note to the reader

It is really exciting putting this blog together and I thank those of you that have commented to me here or via email, Thank you. I hope this helps you on the path to gainful employment.

In looking at the layout of this blog I realized that I am doing serial posting which is out of order when posted. I am writing these articles in parallel and publish each once they are complete.

For this I ask your indulgence since this will force the reader to bounce around. The random order of these articles is because they were originally written for clients and groups that I work with.

In closing, I’m really enjoying putting this wisdom down for you and anyone in transition. I cannot claim the elements of this blog as solely my wisdom since I have gleaned it over the years. I expect with the help of my dear friend Alice Dechene, who has graciously agreed to edit these entries they will only improve in the future.

Cheers,
Thomas

Transition: What I am becoming? (part 3)

We are talking about transition -- what I called the becoming phase. And remember, people like things to be predictable... so let’s start here.

Job and life transitions are not predictable and therefore stressful. One example, in 1999 a high tech worker looking for a new job found that job in a matter of weeks. In 2002 the time-line went from weeks to months and in many cases over a year. I’ve spoken to clients that said they never saw that coming. The economy shifts like an earthquake; one moment everything is fine, great and the next all hell breaks loose. Sadly, many of these same clients told me that they chose IT as a career because this was never supposed to have happened. Technology was a safe field. I went to work there because there was suppose to be job security. Yet, every industry has a similar story.

So instead of asking yourself what is a safe career, ask yourself, "What do I need to do that will bring happiness?" "Where do my strengths and interests fit best?" For people of faith this is the other kind of vocational question. "What is God calling me to do?" "What can give my life fuller meaning?"

I was talking to a friend who told me that she was a teacher because of the security and the predictable salary increases. She went on to say that she likes teaching but it isn’t not her passion. She knows she makes a difference in the lives of her students, but she does it because she needs to work to bring money into the household, nothing else.

I asked her a question, “What if the government decided to pay women for staying home and raising the best families possible; would you have passion for that?” It may be that, at least one reason she is a teacher is because it is the closest thing there is in the work world to her true passion, motherhood. What is God or the universe, calling you to do? What is your true passion?

Once you learn this answer you'll then have new energy. Notice I am not saying that it makes it easier. But, knowing what you are passionate about and going after a job or role that incorporates that passion will give you energy to do the job search.

Talk to someone about this. If you don't have a coach, get one and work with your coach to identify your strengths and talents and you will see where that takes you.

Transition: What I am becoming? (part 2)

The transition process is a classic Birth – Death – Rebirth cycle (Stepping between worlds) where job loss is the death event. We see job loss as an end. I suggest to my clients that it is a loss and deserves time for grieving. Yet, what follows is the transition to the next thing, a rebirth. The time between is truly hard for people – we are not good at being between things. You’ve come from a state of: “What you were,” moving into a state of, “What you are going to be” This syndrome is not so uncommon. Normally you graduate from 8th grade and you’re going into 9th grade. Then bang! you’re a Freshman in High School and there is no looking back. I suggest that transition is like going from 8th to 9th grade without a three month summer break.

What makes transition such a scary thing? There is no time-line and the next step isn’t a guarantee. Someone may very well say "No" to you. Transition is full of rejection, where your ego can really take a beating.

Job and life transitions are not predictable. Of course you can plan and work the plan but there are far too many variables out of your control. People like things to be predictable, which is one of the reasons people stay in the same job year after year even when they have grown tired of the work… it’s safe and secure but it is also predictable.

I suggest looking at transition as a phase in life, call it: “Your Becoming Phase”… You’re no longer X and you’re not Y yet? You’re becoming – meaning… you’re free to ask yourself “What do I need to do to fit into the world?” Where do my strengths and interests fit best? If money wasn’t an issue what would I do to make the world a better place?

These are great topics to investigate and a coach can really help. In the third part of this discussion we will talk about the bigger questions that you can address in your becoming phase.

Transition: What I am becoming? (part 1)

My brother, a survivor of job loss, recently asked me if I had seen the movie "The Rookie" starring Dennis Quaid. I had and he reminded me of a point in the movie where the star realizes that sometimes you need to do what you were meant to do. What an insight. So often people are in careers because they simply ended up doing the job they do and not because they always wanted be a “fill in the blank.” (Clerk, doctor, engineer, Indian Chief, teacher)

Many of my clients reported this to me as we talked about their career. They share that they

really didn’t have a passion for the job but simply did it because it was the job they had. Often they felt trapped because they rose in the salary structure and couldn’t afford to change. But

now that the job is gone they now had the opportunity to ask the question: “What do I want to do?”

It’s a question of vocation: What was I meant to be? Sometimes, if I have nothing to loose, then I have everything to gain. “I cannot do this anymore so what can I do?" is the question many are faced with. I would ask my clients what they wanted to do when they were teenagers. What keeps us from focusing on the dreams we had as teenagers? The answers to that are as numerous as there are people being asked the question. What’s important to realize is that job transition is the perfect time to ask the question.

One of my heroes is Joseph Campbell, an authority and a life long student of myth and mythology. He once told an interviewer he believed that a success in life comes from following one’s bliss. Doing what you love or what you are best at will lead to success.

As children, we will do what we want, play with the toys we like and ignore the things we don’t enjoy. Then in adolescence things change and we feel like things we do are wrong or don't quite fit… no matter how hard we try to please people we feel inadequate. Somewhere along the way someone says to you… “Grow up, do what you need to do.” "Be an adult!" How sad... However, imagine what could happen if the child heard, “You need to do what makes you happy and makes the world a better place.” Today a person in transition needs to ask themselves, “What can you do to be happy and make the world a better place?” and if Campbell is right success will follow.

So if you find yourself in transition between jobs or another life transition, take a moment to think about what you wanted to be when you were a kid, what really makes you happy and what are your talents. We'll discuss this more in part two.

"Why Me?" Just isn't Important in Getting a Job

There seems to be a common frame of mind in my clients who are going through a prolonged time in transition between jobs. If fact, this actually affects the vast majority of people going through any kind of transition from being let go from a job to retirement.

Over and over people in transition find them selves stuck and growing depressed because they have lost confidence in their ability to achieve a goal. Whether it is finding the next job or learning new role in life, their confidence is shaken and their thinking becomes filled with doubts.

Face it, transitions are difficult. If you were let go from a job, the natural question is, "Why me?" Many of my clients would tell me that they couldn’t understand why they got canned when someone else is still there. I can think of a story from one person who brought in and closed a $4.5 million deal and a week and a half later got the ax. In another client’s story their whole group was released while there was all this work that remained to be done. It doesn't make sense to the person in transition.

It is common for humans to see the world in terms of ourselves. Why me? Add to this the condition that self doubt is a natural element in transition or any kind of change. This becomes a problem when self doubt becomes stagnation especially when coupled with depression.

The sad truth is that most people are laid off for reasons they’ll never know. They lost their job because there number was picked or they were in a department that was believed to be expendable. After talking to thousands of people over the years, I come to the conclusion that nothing you did or could have done would have changed the outcome. Often a person can cite a series of corporate decisions that led cutbacks and layoffs. "Why me," if it was someone else's fault.

I have often told my clients that they were probably right, but that doesn’t matter… it’s in the past and you need to focus on the future. Do not focus on what happened, but focus on what you are going to do to be successful in your transition. Simply, "Why me" thinking leads to anger and/or depression. This leads to all kinds of negative behaviors which will negatively impact your job search.

Dropping "Why me" from your thinking will make a difference. Be positive and let go of the negative thinking that will hold you back. Do the things that will help you have a positive frame of mind which people will see and take note. Focus on your goal and leave the past behind.