Having Hope In Job Search

I was speaking to a group of job seekers the other day and I offered them a prophetic statement that someday down the road they’d all have jobs and there would be no more unemployment and then I’d be out of work. There was loud discord from the group, a collective, “Yea, Right! What are you smoking?”  

I understand the group’s reaction; the news about the economy is so dark and dismal, how could I express anything so silly as a world without unemployment? Even a rate of 4% is next to impossible to envision. Yet, there was one person back in the far corner said, “No, you’ll still have work; folks will need someone to help them grow in their career beyond their new job.”

This person had hope. There are people out there who realize that “Yes, we can” is more than a campaign slogan and that we live in a world were anything is possible, but, and this is a big but, nothing will happen without the expectation that it will happen. Having hope is having an expectation that something will change, something will be different, something will be better.

Often when we are suffering from some tragedy or trauma, like a mass layoff resulting in job loss, someone comes along an--whether out of ignorance or a total lack of tact--says something trite. “Buck up, Charlie, you’ll have a job in no time.” Or “Sorry to hear that you’re unemployed, I wish I could help but we’re not hiring at my company.” Recently a 45 year-old Electrical Engineer told me that after two months in job search someone said to him, “Hey, they’re hiring at the Seven-11.”

Folks going through job transition often report that after the first weeks of not having a job that they feel they’ve been tainted. People feel isolated, like they caught a communicable disease or something. Then when they’re feeling the pressure of the job search someone says, “Anyone who really wants a job can get one.” Or “Those people who have been unemployed for over a year are lazy...”

Corporate America is sitting on a bunch of money; some estimates go as high as a Trillion Dollars (that’s 1012 or $1,000,000,000,000.00). Companies across the country are running lean and mean and people with jobs report fatigue and frustration with the amount of work they have to do, and that the pressure is building. They report that the unemployment rate is as stressful on their lives as for those unemployed, maybe more. (My clients find this hard to believe.) But, the pressure is real and something has to give. Everyone is waiting for the shoe to drop.

Let’s have the hope, the expectation that companies will start hiring, slowly at first,  then with greater urgency and gusto. Let’s have the expectation that consumers will begin to consume more and consume more wisely. Then, folks will then be able to pay off their debt and even start saving. And then, there will be no more unemployment and I’ll be working only with folks looking to grow in their career. Let’s have hope!

The Transition Two Step

   Whether you are in a transition due to being laid off or because you have been promoted or have retired, transition is a difficult time for couples. I had the great pleasure to listen to Terry Shapiro, Ph.D. discuss this subject to about 250 professionals who are in transition. Dr. Shapiro approached the subject with humor and wisdom and empathy. He also hit the nail on the head. 

   Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction;"  this also applies to relationships. When a person goes through a change as serious as a termination, retirement or a death of a loved one, everyone in the family is affected, especially their "significant other." 

   It's like riding on a train, where you are the engineer driving the train watching the track ahead and everyone else- especially the spouse- is sitting in one of the adjoining cars with only a view out the window as the scenery goes by. They are along for the ride and have no idea of what's ahead unless you communicate.

   Communication is Key... Communication with respect, empathy and intimacy. Dr. Shapiro spelled it out and pointed out some of the pitfalls of poor communication that is not open and free flowing. He offered some guidelines:

• talk about what your are doing and how you are feeling, sharing specifics
• ask about how your partner is doing and how they are feeling, and listen
• more communication is better than less, especially right after the activating event
• anger is natural and is not bad if it isn't destructive or the most common emotion
• ask for what you need and listen for what your partner needs

   Having empathy for your partner is not easy for many people especially when under stress. Dr. Shapiro said that you don't have to agree with your partner or even completely understand why they are feeling... but knowing what they are feeling and thinking can ease a lot of stress for both of you. 

   Respecting where they are and what they are going through as you go through your stuff can save a lot of fighting. Dr. Shapiro commented that fighting is part of a relationship between two people who have opinions and emotions. It's as normal and natural as anger and laughter. However, he warned that when a couple fights they need to fight fair. There needs to be rules and allowance for the other to call time out, to withdraw for a specific time as a way to check emotions from escalating. 

   The "two step" as a dance works best when both partners know what to expect. As long as you and your partner are dancing to the same music a few toes may be stepped on, but hopefully nothing will be broken.

Dr, Terry Shapiro is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Aurora University in Aurora, Illinois. His practice is located in Chicago's western suburbs.

Inspirational Books and Movies

   A few weeks ago I asked the readers of my blog to comment on the books, movies and music that inspire them and have helped them deal with difficult times in their lives. The movies that people reported that were inspirational to them are:


Endurance (the story of Ernest Shackleton), by Alfred Lansing
Survivor's Club, by Ben Sherwood
Jump Start Your Brain, by Doug Hall & David Wecker
The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, by John Maxwell
Control Your Destiny or Someone Else Will, by Noel M. Tichy & Stratford Sherman
Who Moved my Cheese, by Spencer Johnson, M.D.
The Power of Focus, by Jack Canfield, et. al.
Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, by Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.
The Laidoff Ninja, by Craig Brown & Javed Ikbal
90 Minutes in Heaven, by Rev. Don Piper


I want to thank Rien, Jim, Sharon, Chuck and Katy for their suggestions. I also recommend:


How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie 
Leadership Jazz, by Max DePree 
Success The Glenn Bland Method, by Glenn Bland 
How to Have Power and Confidence in Dealing With People, by Les Giblin 
See You at the Top, by Zig Ziglar

   These are very good books for anyone in sales or a job search. And as I have said before, but bears repeating, to maintain a positive attitude you need to put positive things into your brain. Reading is the most powerful way to influence your attitude. Many of these books are also on tape or CD. However, listening to a book is great in the car but research cites that a listener needs to hear the recording as many as 4 times to get the same impact as reading. Often I read the book and then get a recorded edition to reinforce what I've read previously.

   Sadly, I found out that if you don't have a Google account, Live Journal, Wordpress, TypePad, AIM  or OpenID account you cannot comment on my blog. I'm sorry for that inconvenience. I also only got two movie suggestions: Jerimiah Johnson and The Outlaw Jose Wales. To that I add the Shawshank Redemption as one of the best inspirational movies. 

   One final thought. Of all the books, movies and songs suggested, I read 90 Minutes in Heaven for the first time. Wow. Regardless of your life situation this story really hit the nail on the head regarding transition. I will be doing a presentation in the near future on "90 Minutes: A Life Metaphor." Before this suggestion, whenever someone had a tragedy in their life, I offered them one of two books to read. First, When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by Harold S. Kushner and second The Gift of Peace, by Joseph Cardinal Bernardin. Now I have a third book to offer. All three of these books and the stories they contain confirm what Viktor Frankl wrote in Man's Search for Meaning, namely if you believe that you have someone in your corner, you can survive anything and thrive beyond the tragedy you suffer.