I’ve pointed out many times in talks, coaching session and in this blog that we have control over two things in this world. First, we have control over our attitude--namely, what we want our attitude to be. Second, we have control over our behavior--namely, how we act toward the world around us.
On the job or in a job search this is no less true. When something happens at work, from losing a promotion to getting a notice of termination, you are faced with what famed psychotherapist Albert Ellis, Ph.D. called an “Activating Event.” These events are without emotion, they simply are a fact one has to deal with. How we perceive these events, Ellis would say, is influenced by our “Belief System” which can be either rational or irrational.
I believe that if you get a pink slip at work a rational belief system would hold that your termination isn’t personal. In major lay offs where there is a 10%, 20% or even 30% reduction in force, it’s a numbers game, and your specific case probably has more to do with your salary or where you sit on an Org Chart than it is about who does or doesn’t like you. To quote The Godfather again: (Sonny Corleone to Tom Hagen and his brother Michael) “You're taking this very personal. Tom, this is business and this man is taking it very, very personal.”
What if your boss doesn’t respond to an email you sent? Don’t take it personally until he tells you so. For example: A job seeker and LinkedIn user wrote: I have 55 first-level connections on LinkedIn, but 50 outstanding invitations that I have sent to people whom I have previous connections and relationships with, and yet they don't even bother to reply to my invitation. I am not sure if these folks are just not interested in LinkedIn anymore, or if they aren't interested in me anymore. Any suggestions???
And I responded: Remember not to take this or anything in your job search personally. There could be a 100 different reasons why these folks haven't replied. You've thought of two. Instead of playing a guessing game, follow up with an email or better yet a phone call. Reconnect and find out...
Life is filled with too many situations, events and accidents to believe that they are all focused on you. Give yourself a break, free yourself of the worry and stress of taking things personally. You’ll be happier and you’ll sleep better at night.
On the job or in a job search this is no less true. When something happens at work, from losing a promotion to getting a notice of termination, you are faced with what famed psychotherapist Albert Ellis, Ph.D. called an “Activating Event.” These events are without emotion, they simply are a fact one has to deal with. How we perceive these events, Ellis would say, is influenced by our “Belief System” which can be either rational or irrational.
What if your boss doesn’t respond to an email you sent? Don’t take it personally until he tells you so. For example: A job seeker and LinkedIn user wrote: I have 55 first-level connections on LinkedIn, but 50 outstanding invitations that I have sent to people whom I have previous connections and relationships with, and yet they don't even bother to reply to my invitation. I am not sure if these folks are just not interested in LinkedIn anymore, or if they aren't interested in me anymore. Any suggestions???
Life is filled with too many situations, events and accidents to believe that they are all focused on you. Give yourself a break, free yourself of the worry and stress of taking things personally. You’ll be happier and you’ll sleep better at night.
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