More: Don’t take things personally

I’ve pointed out many times in talks, coaching session and in this blog that we have control over two things in this world. First, we have control over our attitude--namely, what we want our attitude to be. Second, we have control over our behavior--namely, how we act toward the world around us.

On the job or in a job search this is no less true. When something happens at work, from losing a promotion to getting a notice of termination, you are faced with what famed psychotherapist Albert Ellis, Ph.D. called an “Activating Event.” These events are without emotion, they simply are a fact one has to deal with. How we perceive these events, Ellis would say, is influenced by our “Belief System” which can be either rational or irrational.

I believe that if you get a pink slip at work a rational belief system would hold that your termination isn’t personal. In major lay offs where there is a 10%, 20% or even 30% reduction in force, it’s a numbers game, and your specific case probably has more to do with your salary or where you sit on an Org Chart than it is about who does or doesn’t like you. To quote The Godfather again: (Sonny Corleone to Tom Hagen and his brother Michael) “You're taking this very personal. Tom, this is business and this man is taking it very, very personal.”

What if your boss doesn’t respond to an email you sent? Don’t take it personally until he tells you so. For example: A job seeker and LinkedIn user wrote:  I have 55 first-level connections on LinkedIn, but 50 outstanding invitations that I have sent to people whom I have previous connections and relationships with, and yet they don't even bother to reply to my invitation. I am not sure if these folks are just not interested in LinkedIn anymore, or if they aren't interested in me anymore. Any suggestions???

And I responded: Remember not to take this or anything in your job search personally. There could be a 100 different reasons why these folks haven't replied. You've thought of two. Instead of playing a guessing game, follow up with an email or better yet a phone call. Reconnect and find out...

Life is filled with too many situations, events and accidents to believe that they are all focused on you. Give yourself a break, free yourself of the worry and stress of taking things personally. You’ll be happier and you’ll sleep better at night.

"Why did you leave your last Job?"

   There are a lot of thoughts regarding this toughest of interview questions. There are books that will give you specific responses to use. However, there is really more here than meets the eye. In an interview there really are only two kinds of questions asked. First, the informational question... tell me about yourself, for example. Second, the elimination question... why did you leave your last job? What is important to remember is that the goal of an elimination type of question is to get you to shoot yourself in the foot. So don't!

   So when you're asked why you're looking to change jobs or why you left a previous job don't panic. Relax, it's no big deal even if you left under less than positive circumstances. The one point all the experts agree is not to trash your previous employer. Don't even say anything that could be mistaken for a negative. You're a professional and you don't make problems, you solve them. So, when you are asked the question you'll deliver you response in a relaxed, unimportant manner that is quick and to the point. The more you say the more opportunity you have to shoot yourself in the foot. Answer the question with a short and positive response and then you're ready for the next question. 

    This means that you have an answer already before the interview begins. You've practiced it over and over again. You have the response down pat! You know it backwards and forwards so that it comes across like a conversation with your best buddy asking about last night's game. You don't want it to sound practiced or rehearsed. You want to come across as genuine and honest.

That's how you deliver the response, but what do you say? All the experts agree... No Negative! I like Challenger's format of creating a conversation:

Interviewer: Why did you leave XYZ Company ?

Candidate: There were no more challenges.

Interviewer: What do you mean? (Tell me more...)

Candidate: I had accomplished all my goals and I decided to seek new challenges elsewhere. 

But what if you got let go and it wasn't your idea to leave?

Interviewer: Why did you leave FX Inc.?
Candidate: The company consolidated operations.
Interviewer: What do you mean?
Candidate: A business decision was made due to the economy to consolidate operations within the company. This affected 30% of all positions including mine.

   There is safety in numbers and this reason for leaving says nothing negative, or as Joe Friday use to say, "just the facts." Normally you'll want to have the reasons for leaving any job going back ten years. Remember regardless of the situation that resulted in your leaving, you got a lot out of your experience there and you have nothing but positive things to say about the experience, the people, your boss and the company as a whole.