The Transition Two Step

   Whether you are in a transition due to being laid off or because you have been promoted or have retired, transition is a difficult time for couples. I had the great pleasure to listen to Terry Shapiro, Ph.D. discuss this subject to about 250 professionals who are in transition. Dr. Shapiro approached the subject with humor and wisdom and empathy. He also hit the nail on the head. 

   Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction;"  this also applies to relationships. When a person goes through a change as serious as a termination, retirement or a death of a loved one, everyone in the family is affected, especially their "significant other." 

   It's like riding on a train, where you are the engineer driving the train watching the track ahead and everyone else- especially the spouse- is sitting in one of the adjoining cars with only a view out the window as the scenery goes by. They are along for the ride and have no idea of what's ahead unless you communicate.

   Communication is Key... Communication with respect, empathy and intimacy. Dr. Shapiro spelled it out and pointed out some of the pitfalls of poor communication that is not open and free flowing. He offered some guidelines:

• talk about what your are doing and how you are feeling, sharing specifics
• ask about how your partner is doing and how they are feeling, and listen
• more communication is better than less, especially right after the activating event
• anger is natural and is not bad if it isn't destructive or the most common emotion
• ask for what you need and listen for what your partner needs

   Having empathy for your partner is not easy for many people especially when under stress. Dr. Shapiro said that you don't have to agree with your partner or even completely understand why they are feeling... but knowing what they are feeling and thinking can ease a lot of stress for both of you. 

   Respecting where they are and what they are going through as you go through your stuff can save a lot of fighting. Dr. Shapiro commented that fighting is part of a relationship between two people who have opinions and emotions. It's as normal and natural as anger and laughter. However, he warned that when a couple fights they need to fight fair. There needs to be rules and allowance for the other to call time out, to withdraw for a specific time as a way to check emotions from escalating. 

   The "two step" as a dance works best when both partners know what to expect. As long as you and your partner are dancing to the same music a few toes may be stepped on, but hopefully nothing will be broken.

Dr, Terry Shapiro is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Aurora University in Aurora, Illinois. His practice is located in Chicago's western suburbs.

Myths, Conventional Wisdom and Other Rationalizations

   In "5 Career Myths Busted" Maria Hanson of LiveCareer discusses five different myths that conventional wisdom teaches, which are absolutely false... unless you make them true by believing them. Human beings create self-fulfilling prophecies by accepting something erroneous because it speaks to our deepest fears. Here are the myths that Maria Hanson addresses:

• Myth #1: I can't get a job without experience.
• Myth #2: All that most workers care about is their salary.
• Myth #3: It's too late to change careers.
• Myth #4: Multitasking is the most efficient way to work.
• Myth #5: Without close supervision, most workers will get away with whatever they can.

   I want to comment about myths one and three. If you find yourself in transition or even just starting out from college Myth #1 is a statement that everyone feels must be true. Someone experiencing difficulty finding a job will state this myth and then say, "It's a real Catch-22" referring to the Joseph Heller novel. If you hear someone say this to you, feel free to hold them accountable by asking the question, "If that is true why isn't there 100% unemployment?" The trouble is if someone is holding on to this myth as a rationalization for not landing a job, what real reason are they missing?  Something that is in their power to change is going unnoticed.

   Myth #3 is a similar kind of rationalization that people use to stay stuck. I'm too old, or it's too late. I've changed careers three times in my life, maybe four depending how you count the career I am in now. Again if this myth is true no mother who raised her children could ever work again outside the home. It may take some additional formal education or training program, but people do it every day. Actually for my clients that are burned out from their most recent job, the prospect of changing careers is an exciting opportunity.

   Here is where attitude comes into the equation. Having a positive, enthusiastic attitude with a certain amount of patience will make all the difference. We all have "transferable skills." These are the skills that are required to be successful in various different careers. Project management is one of these skills sets. I cannot think of an occupation that does not require some level of project management. What is incumbent on the career changer is communicating how the transferable skill is the hard part and the specifics of the new field can be learned quickly.

   Not everyone will buy that argument. People want to believe that their field or industry is unique and I don't blame them: we all want to feel special. The health industry says no to many applicants because, "You don't have any health care industry experience." Yet, with a little learning and taking the time and effort to establish a relationship with people in the field you can move into a new industry. Building and growing relationships are really important. Reaching out to folks asking to meet for an "informational" or courtesy interview is key.

   As people with hiring authority get to know you and what you bring to the table you'll make the connections that will land you a job. This is true for your first job or if you are changing careers.

Have a career plan

   Coaches and bus drivers both employ a plan when they are working. A bus driver might say, "I want to know where I am going so we know where we are when we get there. So, before we start, I look at a map." The Chicago Black Hawks had a goal this year, and Joel Quenneville had a plan on how to accomplish the goal. Some people are planners and others like to fly by the seat of their pants.

   In your career, flying by the seat of your pants is likely not to get you where you need or want to go. I understand that some people have been successful without planning, but let's agree that you and I are not these people. Many more successful people achieve their goals because they plan, write down their plan and revise the plan when unforeseen things happen. So, let's agree that planning is generally a good idea for positive career growth.

   One of my favorite interview questions is, "Where do you see yourself five years down the road?" (Actually this is a great question after you've started the job, too.) The question that isn't normally asked which is far more important, "How are you going to get there?" This involves planning, setting milestones and intermediate goals and accountability.

There are several elements required in a good career plan.

1. State the goal
2. Cite the requirements, (education, experience) to meet the goal
3. Evaluate any shortfalls you have regarding the requirements
4. Detail the steps needed to be taken with target dates
5. Evaluate each step in the plan and review the plan regularly
6. Achieve the goal and celebrate

   Some people need a coach to hold them accountable. Others just tell everyone they know. And some people join an accountability group. We'll talk more at a later date on accountability groups. Each of these methods are set up to help keep you on target to meeting your milestones, intermediate and final goals . When accountability is missing this can be the root of failure.

   Make a plan for yourself. If you're on the job, how are you going to get to the next level in your career? If you are in transition, how are you going to land a job that will move you to your next level? If you need help, hire someone like me to consult with you and walk you through the process... Call me and then see the places you'll go!

(My number is: 630.319.7587)

The Value of Job Clubs

   I am sometimes challenged with job seekers that tell me that they are actively working their job search and when we review their calendar I quickly realize that job clubs are their principle means of job search. Sadly, this is a misuse of a beneficial resource.

   In May, I heard a key note speaker who turns out to be one of the first to utilize the concept of Job Clubs in the USA. Joy Maguire-Dooley is a social worker, author, career transition and networking guru. I also consider Joy to be a friend. The joke between us is that Joy knows everyone; if you need a contact somewhere, Joy has a name and phone number to share with you. There is a saying that goes something like, "With Joy in your life; you'll land a job." Anyway, if Joy didn't invent the concept a job club, she was one of the very first to employ its practice. Joy teaches that a job search requires a WOW factor... this is something that takes practice to develop!

Activity vs. Accomplishment
   It's my belief that many in job transition have received the wrong idea about job clubs and networking. I'll hear folks say that they were networking yesterday and when I dig a little deeper I learn that they went to a job club, A.K.A. networking session. What did they come back with... Hand bills and business cards from the seven others around their table. This is activity without accomplishment, no WOW here. Real networking should be moving the job seeker closer to the goal; in this case getting a job offer. If you come back with only seven hand bills you're not really moving toward an interview and a job offer. Job clubs are the first place to network, not the only place!

Job Clubs are the Practice Arena
   At the beginning of your job search attending one, two or even three job club meetings a week is a great opportunity to practice your networking skills and your job search tools, not to mention your WOW. A job club is a safe and hopefully mutually beneficial environment. Practice your elevator pitch, your success stories, how to listen effectively, how to ask for business cards, how to join a conversation and how to end a conversation and move on to the next person. After you've gotten these tools and skills down, going to more than two job club meetings a week is a misuse of your time. Use that time to meet with those contacts who are working. Use that time to meet with people you've just been introduced to. Use that time to build up new relationships and utilize the skills you've practiced. Use that time to put the WOW into your job search.

Teri Clancy, Joy Maguire-Dooley and Sally Morrison are the founders of CareerPartners3 and the authors of, A Taste for Work... Your Menu for Career Success.

Networking is for Everyone

As a compound word, Networking has two words that make it up: net and work. Net as in a contrivance of cord tied into an open, meshed fabric, for catching things; or anything serving to catch or ensnare. A net could also be a connection of things like computers as in the Internet.

Work is exertion or effort directed to produce or accomplish something; or the result of exertion, labor, or activity. Author Lillian Bjorseth defines Networking as an active, dynamic process that links people into mutually beneficial relationships to create social capital.

It's important to realize that it is work, but it doesn't have to be toil. It requires talking to people and establishing relationships and this is sometimes difficult or scary for people. But if you are in sales, especially in today's marketplace, you'd better get good at networking.

The work comes in two forms: first, calling people on the phone; the second comes in meeting people face to face. Regardless of everything written, it comes down to phone calls and meeting people face to face. Without these two aspects you cannot build mutually beneficial relationships.

It's funny, the other day I heard someone call a "network marketing" business "relationship marketing."  Boy, they created a new terminology that hits the nail on the head. Building relationships is not easy: just ask anyone who is married or in a family. It's work and that's okay, it can be fun and invigorating building your network if you remember you will need to give before before you will receive.

It is exciting when you meet people to whom you can give something, something of value. In sales it might be the information associated with your product or service which will benefit the other people's life or business. In a job search it might be another connection or even the promise to pay the benefit forward. There is a Tao in networking where you only receive when you give freely. This requires being open and giving of yourself. This may be the scariest part of networking for some people.

I saw an interesting blog the other day that asked this question, among others: "do you have to be born with the ability to network?" Link The short answer is no, just a willingness to get to know people. The blog quotes Dale Carnegie, "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

 

So realize that everyday you are faced with countless opportunities to network with people and it could lead to something fantastic. Happy Networking.