Stress During Job Search

Some people think that it is merely semantics using the words “Job Transition” as opposed to “Unemployed.”  It is true, however, that there is psychological negative effect that comes with the word “unemployed,” that makes it more than semantics. When a person loses a job, they lose all the aspects of the job and the circumstances associated with the job also changes. Schedules, deadlines, priorities, motivations and purpose all go away or shift. This causes stress in the person and the family--in fact everyone associated with the person who lost their job. Therefore, let’s call the number one stressor from losing a job, “Loss of Structure or Schedule.”

The second and no less of a stressor in the life of a person without a job is, “Loss of Income.” This creates all kinds of fallout from, “How are we going to pay the bills?” to “If I don’t have enough cash to put gas in the car, how will I ever find a job?” Credit Card debt goes up causing more stress and anxiety. Decisions of which bills to pay, “Should I pay the mortgage or buy groceries?” forces some folks to ignore important things because they cannot deal with the stress of not having enough money. This leads to problems growing and not going away until it becomes a legal problem... bankruptcy and home foreclosures are on the rise or at all time highs.

Third in the list of stressors that job seekers must deal with is the “Disruption of the Family.” An amazing statistic we are seeing today is the number of divorces after retirement. I don’t even want to contemplate the number of damaged marriages that have resulted from job loss due to the economy.  Children in school experiencing stress in their family due to job loss find their grades falling or start acting out with negative behavior.  

Today, more than any other time in history we are under attack by stressful things. Not since native peoples struggled against the elements and wild predators have human beings felt the kind of stress we feel today. So the first thing we need to do is see and understand that we are stressed. Then to seek ways to overcome or at least reduce the stress we are under. Communication is a great stress release. Counseling, through your church or a mental health professional, will offer greater relief. Finally, don’t hide your problems, let people know that you are looking for work and you’ll find they don’t think badly of you and in fact may know of something that will lead to a new opportunity.

Jobs, Transition, Stress... oh my!

In our Career Stimulus Program at Harper College we offer sessions on dealing with stress. Also through the college, WIA (The Workforce Investment Act) offers job seekers basic job skills training and they also offer training on dealing with stress during job transition. With all the stress in the world today more and more folks should avail themselves of the opportunity to attend stress reduction workshops.

Scientists, doctors and medical researchers tell us that stress is a killer. In the least severe cases, stress exacerbates conditions ranging from high blood pressure to gum disease. At a business level it adds to loss in productivity and quality. Stress on the job causes pressures resulting in all kinds of interpersonal issues. Stress may also have added to the problems between the President and the Speaker of the House over the President’s Jobs Speech after Labor Day. (Or that could have been nastiness and stupidity.)

Regardless of where you sit on the debate between the kickoff of the NFL season, televised Republican Presidential Debates and a Presidential Speech addressing the number one issue facing every working American, stress is a reality for every human being, especially those looking for their next job. It must be dealt with.  One would be hard pressed to list all the different manifestations of stress facing America’s unemployed. The BLS (Bureau of Labor Statistics) reported for August that 9.1% or 14,000,000 people were unemployed in America. Of those, 6 million are considered long term unemployed (27+ weeks). This doesn’t count the 2.6 million people considered marginal or discouraged workers. That is almost 17 million people with stress, anxiety, and a host of emotional issues affecting our communities, cities, states and country.

Just to paint the picture even more pragmatically, there are countless millions of folks that have jobs, but are sitting on pins and needles in fear of losing those jobs. 0.4 million people became “involuntary part-time workers” due to economic reasons in August. Economic reasons are defined here as due to hours being cut or the inability for find full-time work. Stress in America is probably best experienced on the morning and afternoon commute throughout America. As I drive to work, I’m amazed that there aren’t thousands more accidents each and every day.

Enough of the realities, what can we do about it? Love and laugh more. Love your family more, focus on what they represent to you. Love yourself more; last week we talked about this. Change your self-talk. Change the way you think about yourself. How do you do  that? Laugh more, seriously... it is nearly impossible to laugh for 15 seconds and be stressed. In fact, the effects of 15 seconds of good ‘ol belly laughing will in fact last as long as an hour or more. How do you laugh? The easy way is humor, jokes and comedy. I love watching stand-up comedy. Ellen Degeneres cracks me up. Bill Cosby is a very funny fellow. The Daily Show or Jay Leno make people who can stay up that late laugh. Jokes.com and jokeoftheday.com are great Internet sites that make my friend Conor Cunneen laugh. He even recommends going to these sites just prior to a phone interview, “...it keeps a smile on your face, Tommy me lad,” he says to me.

So this post all comes down to this: “Squash Stress, Laugh!”

Job Search Plus Holiday Stress

In the last couple of weeks I’ve had a number of clients tell me that they are overwhelmed by everything they need to do to launch and carryout a job search. They tell me that they cannot believe everything they need to do, all the meetings, classes and lectures they need to attend. Yes, it’s overwhelming... getting a professional resume put together, researching target companies, creating a contact list, developing positive responses to common interview questions and we’re just getting started. It’s a lot to do. That’s why I tell my clients and friends that people in Job Search are not unemployed... they’re working full-time.

“OMG, what about social media? LinkedIn and getting my profile complete and not to mention how long it takes to fill out some of these job applications...” Gee, I’m getting stressed just writing this, so what do you need to do, especially since the holidays are just around the corner?

I don’t know who first said, “Plan your work and work your plan.” But, this little cliche is a good device for decreasing stress in your life. Stephen Covey has another cliche that says, “First things first,” and I’m a big fan of Franklin Covey planners because they really help organize the goal setting process into daily activity where you can actually measure your progress toward a goal.

It’s important to realize that for most people planning decreases anxiety and stress. It allows us to see what needs to be done and what is next to do. If we follow Covey’s advice to do first things first, we are able to evaluate what activities are important and urgent and what activities are dependent on other activities which have priority. Okay, that is easy to say.

When we are at work, customers or bosses provide priorities to our day. With your career plan or job search you have to provide the priorities and create a sense of urgency. I sit down with some clients and we develop a formal plan of action for their career or job search. Some clients already have the plan but they haven’t written it down. Often when we keep things in our head they get confused or muddled. Sometimes we forget something that is essential in order to proceed.

Writing a plan down, putting it on a time line is a further way to eliminate stress.  It allows you to see in concrete terms how something is going to work. With a plan and a schedule written down you are able to fit in other activities that are necessary but ancillary to your job search. Christmas shopping for example or my favorite holiday activity, Christmas parties. I always want to make sure I have time for going to Christmas parties. They’re great networking opportunities.

Sit down and plan out what you need to do... if it’s a struggle, give me a call! I do this with clients all the time. When necessary, hire a coach or consultant to help you get up and running quickly. Remember the holidays are stressful enough, do some planing and enjoy the holidays.

The Transition Two Step

   Whether you are in a transition due to being laid off or because you have been promoted or have retired, transition is a difficult time for couples. I had the great pleasure to listen to Terry Shapiro, Ph.D. discuss this subject to about 250 professionals who are in transition. Dr. Shapiro approached the subject with humor and wisdom and empathy. He also hit the nail on the head. 

   Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction;"  this also applies to relationships. When a person goes through a change as serious as a termination, retirement or a death of a loved one, everyone in the family is affected, especially their "significant other." 

   It's like riding on a train, where you are the engineer driving the train watching the track ahead and everyone else- especially the spouse- is sitting in one of the adjoining cars with only a view out the window as the scenery goes by. They are along for the ride and have no idea of what's ahead unless you communicate.

   Communication is Key... Communication with respect, empathy and intimacy. Dr. Shapiro spelled it out and pointed out some of the pitfalls of poor communication that is not open and free flowing. He offered some guidelines:

• talk about what your are doing and how you are feeling, sharing specifics
• ask about how your partner is doing and how they are feeling, and listen
• more communication is better than less, especially right after the activating event
• anger is natural and is not bad if it isn't destructive or the most common emotion
• ask for what you need and listen for what your partner needs

   Having empathy for your partner is not easy for many people especially when under stress. Dr. Shapiro said that you don't have to agree with your partner or even completely understand why they are feeling... but knowing what they are feeling and thinking can ease a lot of stress for both of you. 

   Respecting where they are and what they are going through as you go through your stuff can save a lot of fighting. Dr. Shapiro commented that fighting is part of a relationship between two people who have opinions and emotions. It's as normal and natural as anger and laughter. However, he warned that when a couple fights they need to fight fair. There needs to be rules and allowance for the other to call time out, to withdraw for a specific time as a way to check emotions from escalating. 

   The "two step" as a dance works best when both partners know what to expect. As long as you and your partner are dancing to the same music a few toes may be stepped on, but hopefully nothing will be broken.

Dr, Terry Shapiro is a licensed clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Aurora University in Aurora, Illinois. His practice is located in Chicago's western suburbs.