Advice From Strangers & Friends

In 1937, Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie. I really like and recommend this book for everyone to read. In September, 2010, I highlighted How To Win Friends and Influence People when talking about Interviewing. Among other things, Carnegie tells his readers not not to criticize, condemn, or complain, and to give honest and sincere appreciation. So when someone gives you advice, don’t become defensive, and show true appreciation for the advice.

Even if the advice is totally off the wall, idiotic, and absolutely crazy, thank them for their thoughts and move on. I bring up this point because I keep hearing from clients and students that they’ve gotten advice from a friend or stranger and it’s put them into a tail spin. Not a single person reported to me that the advice they got was fantastic, right on, helpful, or life changing!

Pauline Phillips--AKA Abigail Van Buren--died a few years back and Dear Abby was/is a professional and has a support staff, so who is giving you advice? Most advice isn’t all that good, seriously! A lot of people convey conventional wisdom, which doesn’t always live up to its name. So many folks are passing negative comments and de-motivational advice to job seekers. Or they are relating self-serving thoughts that make themselves feel important. Consider the source and the speakers’ agenda when considering their advice.

The negative that is being passed out there is devastating to the people hearing it, not just to their emotions, but also to their activity and job search efforts. So much of this “advice” is couched as “friendly & supportive” and often starts with the words, “Without...,” “You need to be realistic...,” or “Everyone knows...”  I think as a rule of thumb if someone is telling you that they can’t, or you cannot or you have to be realistic, or anything along those lines, they are not trying to help you, they’re trying to make themselves feel better.

There is positive stuff out there too. One client who landed a job recently sent out an email and told her friends and contacts: “For those of you concerned about the economy, don't believe everything you read in the news! I can tell you that many of my friends and I have been receiving interest, phone interviews, in-person interviews, and more over the past several months.” This offered folks some positive and believable encouragement.

So if the advice you’re hearing is uplifting or constructive, think of Dale Carnegie and thank them and then consider the relative value of the comments. If it is not serving your mission, let it pass, no harm is done, you’ve been professional and respectful and remained on the path toward your goals.

Mother's and Everyone Time To Toot Your Horns

Tooting your own horn does not come easily to people. I am pretty sure that it is even harder for most women than it is for men. I have no data to back this up with but I think most people would agree with me and someone looking for a research idea for a Master’s thesis is welcome to the idea.

This week started with Mother’s Day. There was a story in the news that stated an annual dollar value for the work mothers do. So, if a mom was paid for the work she does, at the comparable rates paid to professionals who do the same work, the American Mom is worth over $61,000.00. Yes over sixty-one thousand dollars of work produced by the average mother that goes unpaid every year.

Think of all the things people do everyday that goes unrecognized. Regardless if you are paid or not for the work you do, it shouldn’t go unnoticed. If your work isn’t getting noticed you need to do something about that. You cannot expect people to walk around and see your work and offer applause. Too bad that isn’t the case; companies hiring people just to go around and recognize and appreciate the good work that is being done. So until companies start hiring additional staff to find and recognize previously unnoticed work, you’ll need to toot your own horn. There is nothing wrong with it. Toot away!

I am pretty lucky in the work I do because people I work with land a job or get a promotion and tell me how much they appreciate what I do. Even before their success they tell me how much our work together helps them. I also do workshops, presentations and keynote speeches. At the end of my talk I normally receive applause and often get to see feedback reviews of people’s reaction to the subject matter and my presentation skills. Getting that kind of feedback is really great, most of the time. When I give a talk and it’s a home run, that’s the greatest feeling in the world. But I also make note of what worked well and what needed improvement after each presentation. Then when the people that pay me ask me how effective I’ve been, I have my numbers ready to share... I toot my horn!

If I can, you can. Take the time at the end of the day to jot down what you did throughout the day. If someone tells you thanks for your help make a note. Look for and recognize the value you bring to those around you and the whole world.

"It's all about doing the things others are unwilling to do."

   I was watching the movie "Rudy" the other night with my wife and kids. "Rudy" is the story of a person with a dream that is seemingly so impossible that everyone dismisses it except for the dreamer himself. Rudy wants to go to Notre Dame and to play football for the Irish. Rudy's grades aren't very good, he is a little guy and playing collegiate football is hard on the body if not downright dangerous. But, Rudy sticks with it despite every challenge and in the end is carried off the field a hero and achieves a degree from Notre Dame University.

   How many times in life are we tired, beat up and bloodied and still we get up and go at it again? That is the message of the "Rudy" story. Keeping your eye on the goal and if you lose sight of the goal, refocus and keep going. This happens everyday and some people pick themselves up and continue and others quit and give up the goal.

   Todd Smith, of "Little Things Matter" once commented to me, "It's all about doing the things that others are unwilling to do." Think about that for a minute...

   So what are you willing to do to move your career along? Will you humbly promote yourself? I hear people say... "I don't like blowing my own horn!" So who will if you won't? Not the competition, I've never heard the Ford Motor Company say, "Gee aren't those GM cars and trucks the best!" Blow your horn; write down and keep track of your accomplishments and develop them into success stories! It take work to stop and think and log in the experience and then hone it down to a story people will want to hear. But it's worth it, because the other guy is likely unwilling to do it--because they don't want to blow their own horn!

   I heard a stat once that 60% of all interviews are never acknowledged with a thank-you! Seriously, 60% of the time people don't say thank you to the interviewer for taking time to meet with them. Not a note or email or phone call... because??? Who knows why?... Does it matter? If you send a thank-you you've moved into the 40% who do. And maybe only 4%, four out of a hundred, will make a phone call to thank the interviewer. If the interviewer only interviews five or six people you'll probably be the only one who will make the call. That's one way to distinguish yourself among the crowd.

   If it's about doing what others are unwilling to do... what are you willing to do?