Asking for Help and Advice in Your Job Search

Afraid to ask for help?

    I cannot tell you the actual number of people that have told me that they cannot network because they cannot ask people for help. It's a big number and this isn't only a man issue, women tell me the same thing. 

    I know there is this belief that men don't ask for directions, but the real reason is because most people give lousy directions. Besides, maps and most times a GPS give real info that takes you right to where you need to go. So, the only thing holding you back is a fear of asking for help. 

    This is what I say to my clients who tell me that they are uncomfortable asking for help? "Get over it if you want a job. It's a numbers game and you'll need to ask a lot of people for their help and advice in order to meet the person that knows about your job."

    Sometimes I don't sugarcoat it like that. It's a fact of life that we need other people if we are going to thrive in this world. In the 60's or the 70's there was that song, "People... who need people are the luckiest people in the world." So I advise my clients to do as Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. says, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway

    When you  are networking with people you need to establish a connection. The easiest way to establish a connection is to you ask for help, assistance or advice.  Have you ever been in a situation say at lunch and asked the folks around the table for their opinion? It doesn't matter what subject you ask about either... the Superbowl, how this outfit looks, the President's agenda, it really doesn't matter. Can you even imagine someone saying, "you know I really don't have an opinion..." This is especially true when you ask for assistance with your job search.

    Of course the question you ask may present different results. I train my clients to say, "I was hoping to get some help and advice with my job search." Or a similar statement. People want to help. Look at the recent earthquake in Haiti. People are always willing to help, they simply don't know how to help unless you tell them what you need. 

    I am amazed the number of times I ask someone what I can do for them and they tell me something like, "I don't know" or "Well... I guess I'm not sure..." You have be ready for that question when you are networking. Here are some ideas of what to ask for.

• I'd like your feedback on my resume.
• Are you aware of anyone that could utilize a person with my skill set?
• I'm looking for a contact in ___ company name ___,  do you have any contacts there?
• Can I use you has a reference? 
• Or my favorite... Can we sit down for 15 minutes and meet because I have a number of things to ask you?

   Being prepared is the best way I know to get over the majority of the fear. Practicing your response to the question, how can I help you takes away a little more of the fear. It never really goes away 100% for most folks. But, asking for help from people is the only way to make the connections you'll need to find your next position. So, feel the fear and do it anyway. Good hunting!